Sorry for the lack of updates recently. I've just had no motivation to do anything. Nor do I now, but I'm bored.

I cleaned my car today. Damn, it was really messy. REALLY messy. I found things in there I hadn't seen in years. And the fast food restaurant cup in the cup holder still had pop in it. I don't even remember how long it's been sitting there. Let's just say, it took awhile to get the car cleaned out. So, now it's all clean and gorgeous just in time for me to never drive it again. Yeah, that makes sense. Hmmm. Perhaps I should put gas in it too? Considering the warning light is on and everything. Oh well. I don't want to fill it up and then not even drive it enough to get use out of all that gas money I just spent.

I got my first boot in the mail yesterday. Thanks, Mel! Viva La Vie Anika! :)

Jan was selfish today. But when isn't she? Mom was going to use today as a day to do laundry, but Jan was going to go out with a friend and therefore demanded that she be able to do her laundry. So, she came over and threw her clothes in there and left, expecting us to finish all of her loads and everything. Well, we did, BUT, once they were dry, we didn't fold them. We wadded them up and put them in laundry baskets all messed up. And then I added the final touches by stomping on them and actually sitting in the basket on the clothes. They were SO wrinkled by the time she came to pick them up. Did she learn her lesson? Nope.

Still don't know who my roomie will be once I get to school. I was supposed to know by now! I am getting very worried about this. I want to know who this person is. Right now I can only refer to him as X. I want to have a chance to talk to him on the phone and get a feel for what he is like before the day we are expected to combine our lives. I need to know things about him before living in the same tiny room with him. What is he like? Is he messy? Is he a morning person? A night owl? Will he be funny? Will he steal my things? Will he share his things? Will he understand who I am and accept that? Will he also understand that he will be talked about a lot in here? He has no choice, but he may not like the idea and therefore not like me. But mostly, will he accept who I am?

The countdown continues. I now have less than three weeks before I leave home and am totally on my own. I am, in a word, terrified. I seriously do not want to go through with this. I know it'll make me a better person and more independant, and that I will be just fine, but I really really don't know if I am ready. I know nothing about how to take care of myself when it comes to finance and medical and a lot of the daily things people face. I had a lot of things done for me so I never really had to learn how to do them on my own. I am scared. Very scared.

Not only that, but I am going to miss seeing Mikala grow up. As much as I am annoyed by her at times, I hate the fact that I won't get to see her all the time and won't get to see her grow up and go off to school and start using complete sentences and tie her own shoes or bring me home some artwork she made in school. I have loved watching the development she has gone through, and what if after I am gone so long, she forgets who I am? What if I become one of those family members you only see once every year and never really know who they are? That scares me. I want to be part of her life, and I can't.

My life is changing a lot right now. Are the changes good? Bad? Does anyone really know?