I apologize for not updating much, and sad as it is, this may be my last entry for a very long time. I may find time for one more, but I will be very busy from here on out.

So, we've started packing things up. It's so hard to do. The past 19 years of my life have been collected together and are in piles in the living room. It really starts to put things in perspective for me. It makes me realize that this is really happening. It's no longer a distant event. It's now.

This isn't easy on Mom either. She is having severe headaches caused by stress. Sometimes they get so bad that she can't even see. I feel bad cuz I feel resposible for her pain. I know it isn't my fault, but I keep telling myself that if I wasn't doing this, she would be ok.

I'm going through the lovely process of saying goodbye to everyone. That's never fun. Trying to appreciate everything. The time with Mikala, the good meals, the internet.

And while saying goodbye to everyone, I am also saying hello to an old friend. Shawn and I had a falling out about 2.5 months ago. He emailed me today wishing me luck. I was really touched by his gesture. It meant a lot that he did that. So we started emailing back and forth, and now we're back to IMing. It's as if we never missed a beat. I really missed talking to him. It's just too bad we don't have more time to catch up.

I had to unsubscribe from all of my email groups. The only ones I'm still in are the ones I own. It's going to be hard to keep up with them too.

I realize now that I haven't told you why things are going to be hard. Ya see, I have to get a whole new phone line from Bell Atlantic. And we've heard it takes them 6 weeks to get it done. So, I won't be online much in the next weeks. And when I am, I won't exactly have the time to update here. Nor will I have AIM or ICQ. It's going to be hard to go cold turkey from everything.

I may keep an offline journal and upload everything once I get online, but that'll be a lot of entries all at once. Maybe I can write them up and mail them out to someone and have them upload them. I dunno. Not too keen on the idea of having someone know my password. I want to find some solution though. I don't want my site to fall by the wayside.

I plan on trying to spend some time this week doing things I won't get the chance to do anymore. I may go out to lake and sit on the beach and watch the sun set. Or rise. Go back to school one last time to say goodbye to everyone.

Jan and Mikala may be going to the airport to see me off now as well. I hope they do. But we have to leave home at 3 in the morning that day, so I dunno. And she has school until 11 the night before. She's going to ask to see if she can come in late for work that morning though. I really hope they come.

I've been told I'm being a drama queen about all of this, and I suppose it's true. But I am a very bad person when it comes to saying goodbye and moving on once I get comfortable with how things are. I hate change. And this is the biggest change I'm ever going to go through. Moving to a city where I will be swallowed alive. Where everything is very expensive and I don't have a job or any money saved up. I'm so afraid of failure.

I guess I should bring this to a close now. If this does in fact turn out to be my last entry for awhile, I want to thank all of you for being faithful readers and hope you stick around til I get back online. Goodbye everyone. Love you all.

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