Boo! Happy Halloween! Eat your damn candy! I hope you had an enjoyable holiday. Mine sucked! I spent the day building the set for the musical. We started building at 9:00 AM. We worked...and worked...and worked. I didn't get home until after 7:00 PM. It took over ten hours of non-stop work...and we still aren't done. Oh, the caluses on my hands! I knew it would be a long day, but not that long! We had to build a train, a yacht, a hotel room, and a veranda. Normal weekend stuff.
When I got home--finally--I discovered that my mom had rearranged the furniture in the living room. I always love it when furniture is rearranged! I went in the room, and my eyes lit up. I just walked around and looked at it. I sat in all the chairs and looked around at all the new perspectives. It was the same room it had always been, but it seemed different. It felt like a completely different room. Kinda like it is with people. All of a sudden somebody gets a new wardrobe or a new hair style and they seem like a new person. You know that they are the same person they've always been, but they just seem...different. Maybe not for you, but for me it does. It takes me a few days to get used to them. I feel as if I'm testing them to make sure they're the same person they used to be- that they haven't become some new personality. It's kind of silly of me, but I can't help it. I think when I finish this entry, I'll go sit in the living room and try to imagine how it was this morning...try to see through the appearance of the room into the actual room itself. Wouldn't it be great if appearances didn't matter? Like that'll ever happen.
You know what I miss? I really miss "My So-Called Life." I love that show! Why did they take it off the air? I really miss it. I want to see Angela , Rickie , Rayanne , Brian , Jordan Catalano, and all the rest of the gang again. They were my friends. I could really identify with them. They were...real. I became better friends with them than I have with some of the people I go to school with. I cared what happened to them, and as hard as it is to admit, sometimes I don't care what happens to some of the people I know. They just wear me down to the point where I want to detatch myself from them. It seems like the only time people ever really talk to me (I don't mean just talk, but communicate. understand?) is when they have troubles in their relationships. They always come running to me. "Why did this happen?...What was the reason s/he said/did that?...What am I supposed to do now?" Honestly? I don't care. They expect me to fix their problems. I have a news flash for all of you. I have some problems too. Did you ever think that maybe Nick could use some help and advice for a change? No, never! Nick is the magical psychologist who knows all and sees all. The only reason he is on this earth is to fix everyone else's problems. I've become so jaded by it all. I just don't give a damn anymore. I've lost all interest in helping them. It's gotten to the point where all I say is, "You just need to take a few days so you can get out of this excited state, and then you will be able to look at the situation more rationally. Then, you two can talk through the situation and come to a conclusion that will best olve the problem. I may not be the situation you ant, but it will be the best one for all parties involved." I change the phrasing each time, so they haven't caught on yet. I feel so bad about this. Am I a bad person for not caring anymore? It's just that they've constantly taken so much out of me and never given anything in return. What's more is that I don't know why they come to me for advice. It's not like I'm the most experienced person in the relationship field. If you wanted some real advice, wouldn't you go to someone who probably knew what you were going through? Aparently not. I think they just come to me because I tell them what they want to hear. I'm going to have to stop doing that. This is why I loved "My So-Called Life." These people had real problems, and they didn't expect me to fix them. I was allowed to just sit and watch. And, I actually did care how their problems turned out. I wanted to crawl into the television and go to school with them. I loved them. They were my friends. Now, my friends don't exist anymore. They were taken off the air. And just as they were about to present "Our Town." When I watched them, they didn't live in their town. I felt included in their lives; it was...our town. I miss you guys.