I need psychological help. I am in a severe state of depression right now and I don't know how to get out of it. I feel alone, which is ironic considering I live on an island with over a million people.

I guess there could be several factors to why I am feeling like this. The fact that I was stood up the other day was quite a slap in the face and certainly didn't help. Nothing better to rip out your self-esteem and stomp all over it than being stood up by someone you trusted and looked up to.

Went out last night with people for drinks and fun. Not a big drinking and so that could be part of it. Not used to alcohol and how it affects my body. Another possible factor.

Sara said hurtful things about me when she didn't know I was there. It's always wonderful finding out someone that you thought was a friend feels certain ways about you.

Didn't get home til 4 the next morning and had to go to work the matinee so I got minimal sleep. Also been listening to less than jovial music which is possibly putting me in a foul disposition.

On a few lighter notes, I found a bust of Beethoven in the stairwell of my building. It's head had broken off, but I am doing some reconstructive surgery on it and trying to glue it back on. It's very cute and I like it. I like to make up things like I see in movies. Like maybe it is haunted and the owner has weird things happen...like depression. Or things like that. He does look kinda creepy. His eyes. Fun stuff.

Perhaps the only good thing to happen to me lately is I got my ticket for the Tony Awards in the mail today. It's gorgeous. It's gold and glossy. Not like the texture of normal theatre tickets. It's beautiful. The bad thing is that I have to go to the Tonys with Sara. I wonder if she'll still be pretending to be my friend by then.

Well, I needed to vent and I think I did enough. Sorry if this was depressing. I'm gonna make some Ramen Noodles to cheer me up.