I have had one of the most amazing, scary, exhilerating, and frightening experiences of my life.

About two weeks ago was the open audition for the non-equity national tours of four shows, one of which is Cabaret. I went. After I auditioned, I was asked to come back a few days later and play my saxophone for them. I knew this meant they wanted me for Cabaret. So I called Mom and had her overnight my saxophone to me. I rehearsed some songs on it and when the callback came, I went and played. They then asked me to come back two days later and sing, dance, and play again. Another callback! All the time I know I can't get my hopes up or I would just be crushed when the time came when I was cut. But two callbacks! That's amazing. So, Monday came around and I played for them. They asked me to sing also. Then they told me they wanted me to come back later that day to dance for them. Another callback. All the time getting closer and closer to the job with less and less competition each time. So, I come back later and we were taught the dance combo. Without sounding cocky, I kicked ass on it. Not only was I doing fan kicks and splits, but I was giving so much attitude during the combo. Then they cut us down to even fewer people again....and I was kept. I had to go in and sight-read some music from the score. I feel I did very well with this part. One guy sight-read an extremely difficult piece of music flawlessly. Either he is a prodigy or he had seen the music before in his life. So, after hearing him play, I started to get nervous. But...they asked me to come back yet again. So, the next day I came back and we had to do the dance combination again. Then they held more cuts. And I made it again. So...I made it all the way to the final-fuckin-cut for the national tour of Cabaret. I sang and played for them again. There were five male saxes in the final cut. They need to hire three or four I think. I honestly don't think I got it because my final competition were all taller, stronger, and more good-looking. Not sure about their talent, cuz I never got to see them sing or play, but I'm sure they must be amazing to make it to the finals. It just seemed to me that the casting people were leaning more toward them than they were me. But making this far also gives me a good shot of being called to go into the show as a replacement sometime in the near future. It truly was an amazing experience.

I will be ok if I don't get the job. But, to be honest, I'm sure I'll cry. It'll hurt. I kinda feel as if I would have rather been cut in the beginning rather than make it that far and then not get it. Part of the reason it will hurt so badly to not get it is because two people I work with also made it to the final cut. One for trombone and one for Sally Bowles. And it appears as if each of them have about a 95% chance of getting it. So, being the only one at work to not get the job is going to make me look bad. And I know I can't care what other people think, but it will hurt knowing that the day will come when each of them will get on a bus and go do a national tour, and I won't. My time will come someday...won't it?

I bought Jan's birthday gift and had it sent to her. She's discovered the joys of Harry Potter. Bout time.

Mikala got some pet fish and named one of them Nick. How sweet is that! The other one she named Felicia. How random is that?!

I've started to hand in job applications in the hopes of finding a second job. I'm mainly wanting to apply at gyms. I need the free membership. I don't really want to have to get a second job though. I hate the idea of starting out having to relearn a whole new job and make new friends with the people there and everything. I've become too comfortable in the job I have right now and it's keeping me from going further.

Starting the whole hunt for a new apartment also. We aren't renewing our lease here which is good and bad. Good cuz we hate the place and the management. Bad cuz now we have to find new places and move. I think I am going to move into a single apartment. Either a studio or a one bedroom. I think it's time for me to live alone. I've lived with someone my entire life and now I think I need some time just to be myself. To be alone. To be able to walk around naked if I wanted. I also think it will help me to grow up, which is something I need at times. I just hope I can find a place....otherwise I have to go home to Iowa...and that would kill me.

I'm gonna go back to calling my service every five minutes waiting to hear if I actually got the Cabaret job or am going to be crying.