Here I am again. I just updated a few hours ago, but technically, it was yesterday. There have been storms all over the state for the duration of the day and I think lines are down and so I haven't been able to get online all day. And I'm not in the mood at the moment to play a computer game, nor am I in the mood to go to bed, so here I am.
Sawyer dropped by and we went out and about. Dropped by Durley's. Had a nice time catching up with her. She has more toys than any person in the world. And they are all Disney or Wizard of Oz. She has practically everything we sell at B+B...yet she's never been to the show. Hmmmmm.
Got stuck at her place for awhile cuz a massive storm came plowing through. Once it was over, Sawyer and I went driving again and ran into Kory. Sat with him at Sonic, talked, got a free meal due to math errors on the bill.
Then Sawyer and I just drove around for a bit. It was fun. I miss just driving around. Not having anywhere in particular to go. Just turning onto a road for the mere sake of turning. Driving til you run out of gas.
I guess what I miss most about my life from before is not having any real responsibilty. Having someone take care of you is very easy to get used to. Then having to take care of your self physically, emotionally, financially, and any other -ly you can think of overnight is quite a shock to undergo. I think I'm doing an ok job at it. I'm not ill. I'm not insane (though some may argue otherwise). I'm not poor (though i could always stand to have a little more cash, but then again, who couldn't). I am doing an ok job socially. I have friends. I also have enemies. But without enemies, you don't really know you have friends, right? Not sure if I have a best friend. Actually, I don't think I've ever had a best friend. I always longed for someone who would be my best friend. A friend like I saw in all the movies and on TV. Two kids who would do everything together. Like in the movie "My Girl." Does anyone else remember that movie? With Macauley Culkin before he was washed up. (side note: he lives in the building my school is in) Those two kids did everything together. I remember watching it when it first came out longing to have a friend I was that close with. One that I could do anything and everything with. I don't think I've ever had that kind of a friend. I guess I may never have a friend like that. Or maybe I just don't want to label anyone as being the best friend cuz then it's as if I am choosing them over everyone else. Who knows.
I also always wanted to have a special bond I shared with someone. Like something that would connect us forever. When I was younger I wanted to be blood brothers with someone. I felt this would be the special bond that would connect us. But then it kinda grossed me out thinking that someone else's blood was going to be in my body forever. I was a kid, gimme a break. Now I've learned that maybe I wasn't so weird to not want someone else's blood touching me. So much risk of diseases and all. The most common one of course being AIDS.
I don't know anyone with AIDS. I can honestly say that I do not personally know anyone who has AIDS or HIV. In a way, I find myself very fortunate to be able to say this. On the other hand, I find myself kinda unlucky at the same time too. I think that if I knew someone with AIDS, then I might understand it better and see how horrible a disease it is. For me now, it's just that mysterious thing out there that is bad. It doesn't have a face or a name. It's just that bad thing that I've only heard about. If I saw it and knew it better, I think it would be hard for me to ignore it. As it is now, I can kinda pretend it doesn't exist because I don't have to see anyone living with it day in and day out. And I don't like the fact that I don't treat the disease the way I should. I pray that nobody I know gets it. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying I want people to go out and get it so I can say I know someone with it. Just the opposite. I hope that someday in the near future everyone in the world will be able to honestly say that they do not know anyone who is affected by AIDS. I know this is a long way off, but I do believe it will happen. I hope I am alive for when it does happen. I guess that's why I did the AIDS walk. While doing the walk, I didn't really understand why I did it. I knew it was for a disease and all, but I didn't fully comprehend, and I still don't. I know I'm not making any sense right now, but it makes total sense to me, so bear with me.
This is what happens when the internet isn't working. I sit and just type until I end up making no sense whatsoever.
I want to revamp the website again. It's just the diary I ever update, so I want it to be a diary site with another section about me. Instead of site about me with a diary section. Make sense? Also, I need a new title. Nick Nax is nice and cute, but no. And My Inner Monologue is good and all considering it deals with theatre and is technically what the diary is....but I dunno. I also want a dotcom. But I wouldn't know what it would be or where I would find the money. New graphics, new layout, new everything. Not only the written journal, but also a photo journal with pics of my life. And when will I find the time to do this? Good question.
I'm gonna try to get online again, and if it doesn't work, I guess I'll break down and do something constructive. Gasp.