Time: 5:55 PM CST
TV: Not on
IM/ICQ: Shannon
Internet: not much
Quote: "She has got some balls! She has such big balls, she's probably a man!" -Carie (told ya i'd use it)
Updated: my life!

Oh boy! This is going to be QUITE an update. It will not be chronological, because I want to get the trivial stuff out of the way first. You'll understand why later.

So, I spent yesterday in Ames visiting friends. Had a nice time all around. Very good visit.

Got there about 2 in the afternoon. Forgot to call Mom to tell her I made it ok, but she ended up calling to see. I have no idea how she knew their number though. It kinda creeps me out thinking about the powers that mothers have.

Chilled with Adam and Carie for the day. We went to the mall and basically just window shopped. Adam ended up getting leopard heels and a tight shirt though. The person waiting on him wanted him so bad it wasn't even funny. As we were leaving I asked Adam "Did you get his number? Cuz he sure wanted yours." I said this a tad loudly and the guy I was talking about was RIGHT there unbeknownst to me. Oooops.

Then we went to the porn shop there. It's always an experience going to one of those. A tad frightening, but mostly amuzing. He and Carie bought a card for a guy they knew who was celebrating a birthday. It had a giant penis on the inside. Nice, huh? ;-)

Losing recollection of order of events about now....

Went to the party which was at this restaurant/club/bar. People were doing body shots on the birthday boy. Gee, when is it MY birthday? ;-) Carie and I were playing pool although neither of us are any good at it. But somehow, the people we played against kept losing by scratching on the 8 ball. Which meant she and I won. Which meant we had to keep playing. We played for SO long. We kept winning and winning. Which is odd, cuz each of us suck.

Went to Perkin's. Had a nice bite to eat. I had a slice of caramel apple pie. Yum.

Then we watched movies all night until the wee hours of the morning.

Skip to today. I woke up after NO sleep and came home. Had to pull along side the road to vomit cuz my McDonalds breakfast wasn't agreeing with my stomach. Gee, what a great start to the day, huh!

Got home to find my dad (yes, i believe this is the first time i've mentioned my father in this diary) had sent me a Western Union money order in the mail. For Christmas, I assume. He signed the card with his name, instead of signing "Dad" or something along those lines. Even better, he spelled my name incorrectly. Gee, thanks, Dad.

Saw a truck stranded along side the road today with a bumber sticker reading "Why am I the only person on earth who knows how to drive?" I enjoy a good bit of irony.

I head back to NYC tomorrow. Can't say I am really looking forward to it that much though. It's so easy to get comfortable at home and not want to go back to real life where I face deadlines and work and responsibilty. It's so easy to be dependent.

I'd like to wish you all a happy and safe Y2K. Hopefully, no real catastrophes will happen, and hopefully, this diary won't feel the wrath. In case I don't get online before then, I shall tell you some of my resolutions now. I decided if I publicize them, other people who know me and read this can remind me to follow through with them. So, some of mine are:

Ok, I said earlier how I was saving the non-trivial news for the end. Well, looks like I have reached that point. I almost reached a milestone in my life last night. I'll just say it bluntly. Last night I almost lost my virginity.

There's a person I used to date quite a while ago. This person and I had to break up cuz of the distance between us. the feelings never went away. Whenever I would visit this person, there would always be feelings underneath the surface and they held us back from building a real non-relationship-based friendship. Well, I saw this person last night and the feelings we felt for each other were still there. Only they seemed to be stronger or more evident or we were letting them show more or something. We ended up sleeping in the same bed. It all started innocently with just spooning. I'm not going to explain what spooning is for those who don't know. We were laying there and this person had their arm around me and our we were holding hands. Just stroking each others hands. I felt so safe in those arms. It was so comfortable. It just felt right. I won't go into detail of what happened cuz I don't want this diary to become a romance novel and I don't want to be slapped with a Parental Advisory Warning, but we ended up kissing and fooling around for quite some time. I think they could sense how scared I was (and I admit it, I was terrified) and things ceased before they went all the way. And then we just layed there talking. Everything that did end up happening felt completely right. I regret nothing of what happened. I am actually glad it did happen. I think it can help us move on from the past relationship we tried and now become actual friends. And I also think it helped me learn some things about myself. I am somewhat more comfortable with who I am as a person now. I also know now that I am not yet ready for an intense physical relationship with somebody. I'm glad I found that out without having to go all the way, in the safety of being with someone I love and trust, and before I gave it to someone I thought I loved and trusted. Overall, I think it was what our relationship needed in order to move on. I just hope they feel the same way about it.

On a slightly related point: It is the most peaceful feeling in the world to fall asleep in someone else's arms. And why is it that my life finally starts to take off and get exciting just as the world is about to [supposedly] come to a crashing halt? Just my luck!

I know there will be people out there who will not agree with me. They will consider me a whore who is now trying to justify the events in order to save my image. That's fine. Let them think that. They weren't there. They didn't know what happened and how it happened. And they don't know the whole history involved. I don't give one flying fuck what anyone has to say on this subject. I know in my heart that I did the right thing and that is all that matters. And you think I'm a whore? That's cool...cuz I think you're a simpleton who has nothing better to do than look for the bad in people. I'm comfortable with my label. How about you?

Sorry for the little bitch-fest there, but I know there are people who are going to look down upon me and perhaps if they find it in their decent hearts to show me some compassion they may even pray for me becuase I'm going to go to hell for what I did. Cuz I'm a whore. What-the-fuck-ever. They can fuck a dead rodent for all I care.

So, yes.....happy Y2K!