I hate life! Why is life nothing but an ever falling roller coaster? I thought they were supposed to go up every once in a while. Apparently someone made a design flaw when building mine. I'm on an endless plummet. Weee!
I had the worst night of my life last night. I lost a friend, almost lost two more, didn't have anybody to turn to. Again, another design flaw, nobody to help me off the ride.
You know, I'll be the first person to admit that I'm not the most religious person in the world. In fact, I'm not very religious at all. But I do believe that there are spirits that are sent to earth to guide us through our lives. I'm still looking for mine. At times I think I got stuck wiht the blind one. Anyway, these spirits can take on different forms. Most people like to think of them "angles," those winged souls that dress in white and wear a halo over their heads. The come floating down from heaven surrounded by an aura of pure white light and make everything ok. This is all fine and dandy by be, but I also think that these "angels" are not all that's out there. I truely believe that there are people on this planet who are out there to help someone else. And, I think I found someone who comes pretty damn close. A few nights ago, I was able to tell this person something I had never told anybody. I told her the story of the night I almost killed myself. It's been over a year since that night, but the memories of it are forever engraved in my mind. Retelling the story was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. (I'll et inot "the" most difficult thing sometime in the future.) Anyway, by the time I was done telling her the story, I was a mess. Crying and weak. It was midday, but I needed a nap. I was drained and felt hollw, but felt tons better at the same time. This girl was able to tell that something had been bothering me, and she knew the only way I'd ever get better would be to let it out of my body. I was terrified, but I did it, and she was there for me the whole time. The interesting part of the story- I've never met her. I've never met her, but I know without a doubt, that she is an angel. Thank you, Keri, for giving me a new lease on life. I was headed down a bad path again, and your love and support somehow bent the tracks and sent my roller coaster up a hill for the first time in ages. I've had a few small dips since then, but they've not been permanent. Keri, you're an angel of the first degree. I love you!