I made the biggest mistake of my life today.

I've always had an overactive imagination. Up til now, I was always able to dismiss it and focus on what really is as opposed to what my morbid mind comes up with. Today, I slipped. I let my imagination get the best of me and have quite possibly ruined the best thing in my life right now, and possibly ever.

There is nothing I can think of to do to fix what I have done. I have no concrete thought going through my head. Just a collage of pain swirling and swirling. Ricky, please let me know if there is something I can do to make this up to you.

I will be having the gift you sent to me returned to you unopened. I do not deserve to have it. I do appreciate you sending it in the first place though.

I fucked things up pretty badly. I'm sorry for that. I understand if you never want to have anything to do with me again, and I suppose I will just have to accept that. You've been an important part of my life, and I will never forget you, Ricky. I love you.